As I awaited the arrival of my daughter, I prepared myself mentally for the changes that pregnancy and motherhood would inevitably bring. The tales of sleepless nights, foggy thoughts, and a complete lack of “me time” filled my head. I thought I would initially be in a state of survival but expected things to get easier once she evolved into a toddler. After all, I had heard from others that the infant stage was the toughest, and once they could walk and talk, life would be a little more manageable. But as often is the case in life, things rarely go as planned.
My daughter arrived right on her due date, weighing a healthy 9 pounds and 11 ounces. However, complications during delivery left me physically drained in the weeks following her birth. Despite my body’s challenge, my mind felt surprisingly sharp. I managed to catch up on sleep both day and night, which contributed to a sense of calm amidst physical recovery. Surprisingly, as I regained strength, I found myself enjoying more free time. I could indulge in reading, engage in blogging, prepare home-cooked meals, and attend to household chores while my daughter napped.
As time passed and my daughter grew, her naps became shorter, but coupled with her developing ability to explore the world around her, we ventured out more often. Stroller walks, grocery shopping adventures, and afternoons in the park began to fill our days with joy and bonding. For a year and a half, the essence of motherhood felt remarkably simple. But life threw a curveball when my husband began a new job with extended hours.
The Toddler Transformation
Suddenly, my daughter began to express her independence in ways I hadn’t anticipated—throwing tantrums, claiming items with the fierce “MINE!” battle cry, and asserting her wishes vocally. Each trip to the grocery store turned into a negotiation over treats, and parks became the stage for frustrated outbursts when she couldn’t reach the lofty tree branches or run wild through flowerbeds. It became palpable that her behavior escalated not merely from developmental stages such as teething or sleep regressions, but as a sign of her blossoming into a toddler.
The evening after one particularly challenging day, my husband and I sat together to discuss how we would approach discipline for our spirited child. It was the first time we explored this topic seriously, and as I spoke of the need for guidance and boundaries, it struck me—my sweet baby was evolving into someone more complex, characterized by emotions and defiance. I yearned for the serenity of early parenthood, where life felt manageable and filled with cuddles.
Fast forward several months to today—my husband remains a wonderful father, yet due to my proximity and sole responsibility during the day, I bear most of the burden when it comes to discipline. Enforcing rules and creatively redirecting my daughter’s frustrations fall largely on my shoulders. In moments of exhaustion, I often wish to retreat to the bathroom, away from the chaos, where I might indulge in a moment of self-care—perhaps a hidden candy bar or two.
Finding Joy Amidst the Challenges
Reflecting on the earlier stage of motherhood, I recognize an unexpected silver lining to my post-delivery complications. Those initial obstacles imbued me with a profound appreciation for every moment with my newborn. Separated from my child for the first 24 hours of her life due to surgery, I returned to motherhood already possessing a sense of gratitude—gratitude for the nighttime feedings, the opportunity to hold her close, and for every shared moment.
Recently, my daughter and I faced a particularly trying day. Despite my best efforts—Play-Doh, treats, and trips to the park—nothing seemed to lift her mood. As the hours inched toward the evening, I was overwhelmed by a wave of emotion, which culminated in tears. “Mommy, okay?” she asked in concern, climbing onto the bed beside me. Despite my tears, I assured her I was okay, barely able to contain my sobs. In that moment, her innocent embrace and warm smile reminded me of the sweetness that remains amidst the chaos of parenting.
It’s true, motherhood—especially during the toddler phase—is far more challenging than I ever imagined. Every day brings forth new hurdles and emotional rollercoasters. Nevertheless, I refuse to lose sight of gratitude. I remain determined to cherish every moment, even the messy ones, because, at the heart of it all, I choose joy.